2021년 10월 22일자 뉴욕판 한국일보 오피니언 칼럼 ‘나의 생각 – 밀착된 경계선’ 필자 노윤정 미술심리치료사는 자녀들이 건강한 자존감과 정체성 그리고 단단한 정신력, 곧 “자신만의 빛나는 정체성을 찾아가도록” 이렇게 부모의 경각심을 일깨워주고 있다.
[나의 생각 - 밀착된 경계선]
삼십 대가 넘은 나이에 부모와 사사건건 모든 것을 공유하며 함께 결정을 해야만 하는 사람들은 본 적 있는가. 우리가 쉽게 접하는 단어로는 '마마보이, 파파걸'을 가리킨다.
이들은 겉으로는 큰 문제가 없어 보이며 오히려 가족과 끈끈한 관계로 사이가 좋아 보이기도 한다. 친밀함, 화목함, 효도와는 다른 이야기인 이것은 가족 구성원 개개인마다 적당한 경계가 모호한 것, 서로에 대한 자아존중감이 없는 것을 의미한다.
휴스턴 대학 사회복지학과(Social Work) 교수이자 저명한 테드 톡(Ted Talk) 스피커 브르네 브라운 (Brene Brown)은 자신의 뉴욕타임스 베스트셀러 책 ‘바운더리(Boundaries)'를 통해, 한 사람이 자신의 정체성을 성립하는 과정, 그리고 정신적인 성숙도와 만족스러운 삶을 위해 가족과도 적당한 거리와 경계는 필수라 설명한다.
부모로부터 건강한 경계를 만들며 정서적으로 독립하지 못한다면, 결국 자신이 결정하고 만들어온 인생이 아니기에 정체성(self-identity)의 문제로 인해 삶이 행복할 수 없다는 이야기를 전한다.
경계선이 없는 가족의 대표적인 예를 하나 들자면, 몇 년 전 전국을 뒤흔들어 놓았던 '스카이 캐슬'처럼 부모가 자신의 원하는 것을 자식에게 투사하고 그것을 자식을 통해 성취하려고 하는 것.
그리고 그 자식들은 자신이 원하는 것이 무엇인지 알지 못한 채 그저 부모의 통제에 부합하며 그들이 원하는 학교, 직업, 배우자를 만나 살아간다. 이들은 "나는 나고, 너도 나야"라는 식의 과도한 관심, 그리고 지나친 간섭으로 서로를 다른 자아식을 존중하지 않으며 개별적의 존재로 인정하지 않는다.
이런 부류를 심리학에서는 '속박 가족 관계 (enmeshed family/relation ship)'이라 부르는데, 번듯한 직업이 있고 자신이 번 돈으로 월세를 내며 부모와 다른 집에 거주한다 하여도 중년이 되기까지 정서적으로 독립하지 못하는 경우가 많다.
이들은 부모와 자녀 간의 건강한 균형과 경계를 유지하지 못한 채, 가족 구성원들이 지나치게 밀집되어 있어 본인들의 사생활은 거의 없고, 자율성과 독립성이 결여되어있다. (갓 성인이 된 대학 초년생 시절 아직 혼자 많은 것을 이루어 보거나, 성취감을 많이 맛보지 못한 어린 성인 층이 아직 부모에게 정서적으로 의지하는 경우는 제외한다).
유년시절 부모가 공간적, 심리적으로 붙어 자신의 아이를 돌보며 문제를 대신 해결해주려고 하는 것은 당연하지만, 성인이 되도록 자신과 동일시하고 자신의 말과 심리대로 행동하도록 강요하는 것은 결국 심리 조종, 그리고 통제를 의미한다.
부모는 본인처럼 실수를 하거나 실패하지 않았으면 하는 바람에서 ‘관계 동일시'를 작동하는데, 그 속박 아래 정서적으로 건강히 분화되지 못한 자녀들은 결국 결혼 후 자신의 자식들에게 똑같이 대물림하게 된다.
또한, 헬리콥터 부모(Helicopter parent)가 모든 갈등을 해결해 주었던 이들은, 문제 해결 능력이 현저히 떨어지며, 과보호에 익숙하기에 갈등이 고조되는 상황에 굉장히 취약하다.
한 성인은 삶의 모험을 통해 여러 가지 결정을 해보며, 홀로 문제를 해결하게 된다. 그 과정 속 작고 큰 실패와 성공의 경험을 통해 본인의 결정과 판단력을 신뢰하게 되고 배우며 성장해 나간다.
자기 자신을 믿는 이들은 나아가, 남의 말에 휘둘리지 않고 남의 시선을 신경 쓰는 데에 멀리하며, 건강한 자존감(self-esteem)을 발전시켜 나간다.
진심으로 아이가 건강하게 살아가길 원한다면, 단단한 정신력과 함께 행복하기를 원한다면, 우리는 "너의 생각은 어떠니"라고 묻는 부모, 그리고 자식이 내리는 결정과 선택을 신뢰하고 믿어주는 부모가 되어야 한다.
어쩌면 인생의 제일 중요한 것 중 하나, 자신만의 빛나는 정체성을 찾아가도록 말이다.
<노윤정/미술심리치료사>
지난 2014년 자연과인문에서 출간된 우생의 번역서 카릴 지브란Kahlil Gibran(1883-1931)의 <예언자 The Prophet(1923)>에서 ‘아이들’에 대한 말 인용해보리라
애들이란
“애들이란 누구이죠?”
한 여인이 물어보자
알무스타파 대답한다.
당신의 애들이라 하지만
당신의 애들이 아니리오.
언제나 스스로를 그리는
오로지 삶의 자식이리니.
당신을 거쳐서 왔다지만
당신에게서 생겨난 것도
당신의 소유도 아니리오.
아이들에게 사랑은 주어도
생각을 줄 수는 없음이란
그들 생각이 아주 다르리.
그들 몸 당신 집에 있어도
그들 혼은 내일이란 집에
있기에 당신이 꿈에서도
방문할 수 없은 곳이라오.
당신이 그들처럼 되려 하되
그들을 당신같이 만들려고
해서는 결코 안 될 일이라오.
삶이란 뒤로 돌아 가지도
어제에 머물지도 않으리.
당신이 활이라고 한다면
애들은 당신의 화살이니
그 어떤 과녁을 겨누어서
힘껏 활시위가 당겨질 때
당신 구부러짐 기뻐하리.
활과 화살 만든 궁장 弓匠
과 시장 矢匠은 잘 나르는
화살을 사랑하듯이 동시에
잘 튕겨주는 활도 사랑하리.
On Children
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said,
"Speak to us of Children."
And he said:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
자, 이제, 지난해 2020년 8월 30일과 31일자 코스미안뉴스에 올린 우생의 칼럼 글 둘도 옮겨보리라.
[이태상 칼럼] ‘코스모스 같은 아이들에게 주는 편지’
삶과 사랑과 섹스가 그렇듯이 교육도 가정교육, 학교 교육, 사회 교육, 삼위일체가 되어야 하리라. 요즘 전 세계적으로 코로나 19로 학교 교육이 많이 비대면 원격 수업으로 이루어지고 있는 데, 지금으로부터 40여 년 전 내 세딸들이 일곱, 여덟, 열 살 때 영국 맨체스터에 있는 음악기숙학교에 가는 바람에 나는 할 수 없이 비대면 원격 가정교육을 할 수밖에 없었다.
1979년 가을 나는 딸들을 기숙학교에 데려다주고 집에 와서 다음과 같은 편지를 썼다. 돌이켜 보면 이 편지는 어린 딸들에게 썼다기보다 나 자신에게 다짐하는 글이었던 것 같다.
사랑하는 해아(海兒), 수아(秀兒), 성아(星兒)에게
집 떠나 낯선 환경에서 어떻게 지내는지 조금은 걱정된다. 그렇지만 곧 새로운 환경에 익숙해지고 너희들이 마음먹는 만큼 즐거운 생활을 하리라 아빠는 믿는다. 모든 것이 새롭고 서툴다고 겁먹지 말고 용감하게 부딪혀 보기 바란다.
날리는 연(鳶)은 바람을 탈 때보다 거스를 때 더 하늘 높이 오르지 않니? 하늘이 깜깜할수록 별이 빛나듯이. 우리나라 옛시조에 있는 말처럼 ‘태산이 높다 하되 하늘 아래 뫼이로다. 오르고 또 오르면 못 오를 리 없건마는 사람이 제 아니 오르고 뫼만 높다 하더라’를 명심하거라.
많은 사람들이 너무 높다고 올라 볼 생각조차 안 하지만 그만큼 더 올라볼 만한 것이다. 다른 사람들에게 좋은 길잡이가 되기 위해서 도 말이다. 아빠가 언젠가 누구한테서 들은 얘기가 있다.
어느 신발 장사꾼 두 사람이 신발 팔러 아프리카 대륙 어느 나라에 처음으로 도착해 보니 그 나라 사람들은 죄다 신발 없이 맨발로 살고 있더란다. 그래서 한 사람은 그 나라에 신발 팔기는 다 틀렸다 생각하고 그냥 돌아갔는데 또 한 사람은 ‘야, 이거 정말 굉장히 큰 신발 시장 찾았구나!’ 좋아하며 당장 자기 회사에 전보 치기를 그 나라 인구 수만큼의 신발을 어서 만들어 보내라고 했다는 것이다.
이처럼 똑같은 상황에서 실망할 수도 있나 하면, 그 반대로 무한한 가능성을 찾아볼 수 있다는 좋은 얘기인 것 같다. 우리말에 ‘시작이 반(半)’이다 하지만 ‘반이 아니고 전부(全部)’라고 아빠는 생각한 다. 어떻게 시작하느냐에 따라 전혀 다르게 일이 진행되고 끝나게 될 테니까.
반신반의(半信半疑)가 아닌 전신만신(全信滿信)과 전심치지 (全心致志)로 전심전력(全心全力/專心專力)할 때 말이다. 일이 꼭 성공적으로 성사되리라는 굳은 신념과 꼭 그렇게 되도록 하리라 는 강한 의지 그리고 역경이나 난관에 봉착할수록 결코 절망 (絶望) 하기는커녕 그 더욱 간절히 바라고 절절히 희망하는 절망 (切望)이 있으면 안 될 일도 결국 되고야 말 것이다.
더할 수 없이 긍정적인 자세와 초적극적인 태도로 일을 시작하고 물불 가리지 않고 능동적으로 또 독창적으로 일을 추진시키면 꿈이 꿈으로 끝나지 않고 현실로 이루어지는 걸 나는 여러 번 경험 했다. 안 될 것을 걱정하는 사람에게는 안 될 가능성만 보이지만 꼭 될 것을 절대적으로 믿고 미친 듯 노력하는 사람에게는 될 가능성 만 보이고 따라서 그는 되는 방향으로 되는 방법과 길만 찾고 만들 뿐이지.
너희들이 꼭 염두에 둘 것은 그 누군가가 했다는 말처럼 ‘얼마나 멀리 가느냐보다 무엇을 얼마나 보느냐가, 무엇을 얼마나 보느냐 보다 본 것에서 무엇을 얼마나 배우느냐가, 무엇을 얼마나 배우느 냐보다 배운 대로 얼마나 실천 실행하고 사느냐가 더 중요하다. 하루하루 새날을 맞아 순간순간 너희들의 최선을 다하면 된다. 무엇을 하든 하려면 잘 해보도록 해라. 노력을 아끼지 말고 잘 해볼 수 있는 만큼 말이다.
어느 운동선수가 후배들에게 했다는 다음과 같은 충고에 아빠도 동감이다. 남보다 뒤지거든 낙담하지 말고 도리어 용기백배해서 더욱 정신을 집중, 혼신의 힘을 다 써보라. 마지막 순간에 앞서 달리던 다른 선수들을 다 제치고 승리의 테이프를 끊는 것만큼 신나는 일이 또 어디 있겠니? 너희들의 생각이 모든 것을 지배 한다. 그러니 무엇보다도 생각을 잘하고 마음을 잘 먹어야 한다.
수업 시간 아니면 개인 레슨을 받거나 연습실에서 개인 연습을 시작하기 전에 잠시 눈을 감고 생각 좀 해보아라. 너희들이 이처럼 좋은 학교에 와서 좋은 선생님들에게서 잘 배울 수 있게 된 것이 얼마나 다행한 일이고, 너희들의 오늘이 있도록 도와주신 선생님 들께 얼마나 감사한 일이며, 우수한 다른 학생들과 어울려 너희들 의 기량을 겨루어 볼 수 있게 된 것이 얼마나 좋은 자극과 기회인 지를.
최근 신문에서 보니 다른 어느 영국 여자보다 높이 등산한 린 러트란드는 높이 2만6천5백 피트의 안나푸르나 제1봉을 오르기 위해 일곱 번째 히말라야 등정에 오를 예정이란다.
“난 기록 같은 것엔 관심 없어요. 산에서는 자신과 경쟁할 뿐이 지오.”
이렇게 린은 말한다. 남자들에게는 성공이냐 실패냐, 산꼭대기 정상까지 오르느냐가 문제이지만 자기에게는 산을 오르는 기쁨과 즐거움, 그 경험 자체가 중요하단다. 이 얼마나 더 성숙하고 철든 경지이냐! ‘도토리 키재기’에 바쁜 사람들보다.
린과 남편 론은 그들의 집과 자동차 등 전 재산을 다 팔아가면서 까지 산을 탄다. 영국 산악회와 에베레스트 재단으로부터 보조를 좀 받지만 자기 이름과 남편 이름의 첫 자(字)를 따서 이름 지은 ‘엘 앤 알 모험(L & R Adventure)’이란 기업을 경영한다. 영국 북부 호수 지역으로 휴가 오는 여행자들을 안내해 카누 타기, 동굴 탐사(探査), 산과 골짜기 오르내리기 등을 탐상(探賞)하는 일이다.
무섭고 춥고 어려움에 부닥쳤을 때 어린애들에게서도 사람의 타고 난 가장 좋은 자질이 창출 개발되어 발휘된다고, 다시 말해 최악의 상황에서 인간의 최선이 나타난다고 린은 말한다. 한겨울 꽁꽁 얼어붙었든 지각(地殼)을 뚫고 솟아나는 풀잎의 경이로운 생명력 을 노래하듯 하늘로 치솟는 신바람을 타고 뜨거운 가슴 힘차게 뛰는 싱그러운 숨결 따라 린은 사나운 바람과 눈사태도 무서워하 지 않고 높이 산을 오른다.
이와 같은 삶의 열정과 신바람을 노래하는 가수가 있다. 하늘 높이 솟아오르는 종달새 같은 목소리로 ‘삶의 제자,’ ‘삶을 노래하는 가수,’ ‘사람들이 먹을 곡식을 기르는’ 농부,’ ‘세상의 잘못된 것을 바로잡는’ 사람’을 노래하는 미국의 가수 홀리 니어 (Holly Near, 1949 - )의 노래가 끝난 다음의 침묵을 통해서도 그 노랫말이 계속 울린다. 비록 한 방울의 물이로되 흘러 흘러 바다로 가는 물방울의 노래처럼…
1974년 자신이 작사 작곡하고 노래 부른 이 노랫말 같이 ‘행동 하는 가수’로서 사회정의와 세계평화를 위해 헌신해 온 홀리는 참으로 의미 있고 산 예술은 ‘행동하는 것’이라는 신념으로 살고 있다.
너희들이 꼭 알아야 할 것은 남들과 경쟁하는 것이 아니고 너희들 각자 자기 자신, 다시 말해 자신의 가능성과 경쟁한다는 것이다. 그리고 또 알아야 할 것은 매사에 성공이냐 실패냐의 결과보다 과정이 중요하다는 것이다. 왜냐하면 결과가 어떻든 네가 할 수 있는 최선을 다했다는 데 너 스스로 만족할 수 있기 때문이다. 진정으로 너의 최선을 다한 뒤에는 후회 없이 기쁨을 맛볼 수 있다. 이것이 바로 참된 행복 아니겠니?
해아, 수아, 성아야, 너희들이 무엇을 하든, 이왕 할 바에는 하는 둥 마는 둥 하지 말고, 너희들의 심혈(心血)을 쏟고 혼(魂)을 불어넣 을 수 없겠거든, 차라리 안 하느니만 못하다. 무엇이든 일단 하기 로 마음먹은 일이거든 너희들 각자 스스로에게 더 이상 만족할 수 없을 정도로 아주 썩 잘해볼 일이다. 할 수 있는 한 철저하고 완벽 하게.
일찍이 아빠가 들은 말 중에 이런 말이 있다. 참 좋은 말인 것 같다. 지금 네가 어떤 사람이고 누구인가는 네게 주신 하느님의 선물이고, 앞으로 네가 어떤 사람, 누가 되는가는 하느님께 드리는 네 선물이다. 이 말 중에 ‘하느님’이란 너희들이 있도록 도와주신 부모 형제, 선생님들, 그리고 친구들과 모든 이웃까지 다 포함한 것이다. 이 말을 아빠가 좀 달리 풀이해 보자면 이렇게 말할 수 있을는지 모르겠다.
옛날 그리스의 철인 소크라테스(Socrates 469?-399BC)가 ‘너 자신을 알라’고 했다지만 그 보다는 ‘너 자신을 창조하라’고 해야 했지 않았을까. 사람은 누구나 다 각자 자기가 되고 싶은 사람이 될 수 있고, 또 각자 자기가 살고 싶은 삶을 살 수 있을 테니까. 그렇게 마음먹고 노력하면 말이다.
지금의 너희들이, 너희들 각자에게 선물로 주어진 악기(樂器) 라면 이 ‘악기’를 통해 너희들 재주껏 너희들이 낼 수 있는 가장 아름다운 소리로 너희들 자신과 너희들의 청중, 모든 사람에게 즐거움을 선사할 일만 남은 것이다.
너희들 각자가 자기에게 주어진 기회를 얼마나 잘 활용하고 선용 해서 어떠한 삶을 살 것인지는 너희들 각자 자신에게 달렸다. 자기 자신에게는 물론 너희들을 사랑하는 모든 사람들에게 축복이 되고 기쁨을 주는 삶을 살 수 있나 하면, 그 반대로 슬픔과 고통을 주는 저주스러운 짐이 될 수 있다는 말이다.
해아, 수아, 성아야, 너희들은 제일 먼저 너희들 각자 제 몸과 마음 과 혼을 소중히 여길 줄 알아야 한다. 스스로를 돕지 못하는 사람은 남을 도울 수 없다. 스스로를 아끼고 사랑하며 존중할 수 있는 사람 만이 참으로 남도 돕고 사랑하며 존중할 수 있다. 제 앞가림도 못 하는 사람이 어떻게 남을 보살필 수 있겠니?
‘자유’란 ‘책임감’을 뜻하고 ‘성장한다’는 것은 ‘순발력(瞬發力)을 기르는 것’이라고 아빠는 본다. 다시 말해 선택의 자유가 있는 만큼 자신의 선택에 합당한 책임을 질 줄 알아야 하고, 어떠한 상황에서 도 모든 여건을, 심지어 역경(逆境)과 불행(不幸)까지 잘 이용 (利用) 할 줄 알아야 한다는 뜻이다.
한국의 소나무들 기억하니? 우리가 1972년 초 아빠의 직장 때문에 너희들이 난지 석 달, 한 살 반, 세 살 때, 한국을 떠나 영국으로 이주해 살다가 1978년 6년 만에 한국을 방문, 두 달 동안 여러 곳으로 여행하면서 본 한국의 소나무들 말이다. 사나운 눈, 비, 바람 맞으며 땅속 깊이 뿌리 내린 소나무는 어떤 날씨에도 끄떡없지만, 너희들이 하와이에서 본 야자수는 온실의 화초처럼 뿌리가 깊지 못해 폭풍이 불면 쉽게 쓰러진다.
아빠가 지어준 너희들 이름 해아(海兒), 수아(秀兒), 성아(星兒)가 말해주듯 너희들은 바다와 하늘과 별 아이로서 바다와 하늘과 별 을 노래하는 아이들이 되어주었으면 하는 것이 간절한 아빠의 바람이다. 사람은 밥이나 빵도 먹지만 그보다는 꿈을 먹고 산다. 너희들의 오늘이 바로 너희들의 내일이다. 농부들처럼 너희들이 오늘 뿌리는 대로 내일 거두게 될 테니까. 그러니 기회보다 준비가 더 중요하지 않겠니?
너희들은 운명의 노예도, 개척자도 될 수 있다. 너희들의 생각을 바꾸고 마음을 고쳐먹기에 따라 너희들의 운명이 달라진다. 내적인 변화가 외적으로 일으킨 기적 같은 예를 역사나 문학 작품 에서도 우리는 얼마든지 볼 수 있다. 너희들이 아주 어렸을 때 아빠 가 해준 옛날얘기 중에 페르시아의 꼽추 공주 이야기 기억하니? 꼽추가 아닌 자기 동상(銅像) 앞에 매일같이 서서 등허리를 똑 바로 펴보다가 제 동상처럼 허리가 펴진 몸이 되었다는 이야기 말이다.
너희들이 음악 공부를 계속하든 앞으로 다른 공부를 하든 아무리 노력해도 더 노력하고 더 발전할 여지가 있어 그 더욱 노력하는 보람이 있게 마련이다. 하늘이 끝도 한도 없이 높은 것처럼 좋아 하고 신이 날수록 저절로 하게 되는 노력이 또한 끝도 한도 없지 않겠니? 그래서 영어에 ‘Sky is the limit’이란 말과 The Notorious B.I.G.의 노래 ‘Sky’s the Limit’도 있나 보다.
과녁을 못 맞힌 궁수(弓手)가 과녁을 나무랄 수는 없지. 잘못 겨냥하고 솜씨가 부족한 자신을 탓할 수밖에. 과녁에 명중(命中) 시키기 위해서는 너희들 각자 자신을 연마(硏磨/練磨/鍊摩)해야 한다. 하지만 일단 너희들의 최선을 다한 다음에는 결과가 어찌 되든 걱정할 것 없다. 자기 자신의 최선을 다하는 것만으로 아주 족하고 보람 있는 일이지. 사람이 할 일을 다 한 후에는 하늘에 맡긴다는 뜻으로 진인사대천명(盡人事待天命)이라고, 이것이 순간을 통해 영원을 사는 것이 되지 않겠니?
해아, 수아, 성아야, 우리는 지금 몸으로는 멀리 떨어져 있어도 마음으로는 언제나 늘 같이 있다. 우리가 늘 기억해야 할 것은 쓴맛을 본 다음에야 단맛을 알수 있듯 멀리 떨어져 봐야 그리움을 키워 만남의 기쁨을 맛볼 수 있다는 것이다. 고독이 있는 곳에 사랑이 있고, 슬픔과 고통이 있는 곳에 기쁨이 있다는 것이다. 사랑으로 한몸 한마음이 된 우리 모두는 서로 서로의 분신심 (分身心)임을 발견하게 되고, 숨조차 서로를 위해 숨 쉬고 있음을 깨닫게 되지 않겠니? 사람은 공기로 숨 쉰다기보다 사랑으로 숨 쉰다고 해야할 것 같다.
우린 모두 사랑이란 무지개 타고 이 지구별에 잠시 놀러 온 우주인 코스미안으로서 우리의 공통된 언어가 음악임을 잊지 말거라.
하늘하늘
하늘에 피는
코스모스 같은
아이들아
하늘하늘
하늘의 소리를
피리 불듯
바람 같이
불어 다오.
사랑하는 아빠가
(해아, 수아, 성아야, 실은 이상과 같은 편지를 40여 년 전에 너희 들에게 썼다기보다 아빠 자신을 스스로 위로하고 다짐하기 위해 아빠 자신에게 쓴 것이라 할 수 있겠다. 이제 너희들이 다시 읽어 보고 조금이라도 공감해줄 수 있으면 좋겠다.)
Doing One’s Best
(Originally published in THE KOREA TIMES, ‘Thoughts of The Times,’ Thursday, November 8, 1979)
When I came home after leaving my young daughters aged seven to ten at a boarding school, Chetham’s School of Music, in Manchester, England, I wrote to them as follows:
My Dearest Hae-a, Su-a and Song-a,
You might not be so happy for the moment and I am worried a bit. But I am quite sure that you will be well settled in the new environment and will soon be as happy as you make your minds to be.
Don’t let all the challenges frighten you away. Be brave and meet the challenges with courage and confidence. I know you will.
Remember that ‘kites rise highest against the wind, not with it’; that ‘the eternal stars shine out as soon as it is dark enough’; that ‘in everything bitter, there is buried something sweet’; and that ‘the journey of a thousand miles begins with one pace.’ So laugh your fears away and you will certainly have the last laugh.
‘It is not so much how you start as how you end; it is not so much how far you go as what you see; it is not so much how much you see as what you learn from what you see; it is not so much how much you learn as what you do with what you learn from what you see as you go wherever you plan to go,’ as a teacher’s saying goes.
Just simply try to do what seems best for you each day, as each day comes. Give yourselves completely now to what you are doing. Don’t baby yourselves. Set up for your- selves a goal of excellence and set a high standard for yourselves.
If you get behind, concentrate totally and completely because one of the great thrills is to come from behind and win. Don’t be a quitter. If you get beat, try all the harder next time. But don’t ever quit when you are behind.
How you think determines what you achieve. Try to get your thinking right before every practice or lesson, For a moment, close your eyes. Your prayers should be that of thanks to those who made it possible for you to be there at Chetham’s School of Music. Think of how lucky and fortunate you are and make sure that you don’t waste the wonderful opportunities given to you.
Then, end with a prayer of joy for competition. For, competition is the very substance of life. It is the molding and testing process where you have your chance to express the very best that is in you. Mind you, you are not competing with anybody but with yourselves, that is, to reach and realize your full potential.
The evergreen pines you saw in Korea in 1978 are born to wind and sleet, and live a long, long time, thanks to their tough core and clinging root. The stately royal palms you saw in Hawaii are nurtured in warm sun and tropic breezes. Their pith is soft. Their roots are shallow. They can’t survive the hurricane. Durable are the children who have been taught to love the storm.
Always remember and never forget that you are children of the Sea, the Sky and the Star, and that you are to swim in the sea of love, to sail in the sky of hope and to grow into three brilliant stars of celestial music.
You know how to make your dream come true. Don’t you? Make the best of what you have. Don’t waste time, above all. Time is the most precious thing, for it passes quickly, as you know. Once the moments, the hours and days pass, they are gone forever. Never the same moments, hours and days do return, like a running brook that sings its melody with no repeat to eternity.
You alone can build your own future. Your tomorrows depend on what you do with your todays. Your future will be what you build at present. Like the farmer, as you sow, so you shall reap. You can get only what you put in. Nothing will be gained from outside, unless and until you get ready and prepared within.
You alone can change your own pattern. By changing the inner attitudes of your minds, you can change the outer aspects of your lives. You can change either for the better or for the worse. History and literature are full of examples of the miracle of inner change.
I wonder if you remember the Persian story of the hunchback princess who became straight and tall, by standing each day before a statue of herself made straight. Let go of lower things and reach for the higher. Surround yourselves with the very best in friends, books, music and art. Try to improve yourselves all the time.
Whatever you do, try to do it as well as you can, as excellently as you can. The hard fact that we can never be perfect leaves limitless room for improvement. There is no limit to your progress. Like the phrase, literally, ‘The sky is the limit!’ (No wonder, as a Hollywood Studio Musician/ Violinist and a helicopter pilot, Song-a, you are flying to your gigs, almost like in a fairy tale, ha- ha-.)
When you play the game of darts, or of archery, if you miss the mark, you turn and look for the fault within yourself. Failure to hit ‘the bull’s eye,’ is never the fault of the target. To improve you aim, you have to improve yourself.
Once you’ve done your best, however, nothing should bother you, nothing should worry you, neither failure nor success, neither fortune nor misfortune. You can content yourselves with doing your very best, be the outcome what it may. Just try to live every moment to the fullest and to live a full life every second. By doing so, you will be able to fulfill yourselves to the utmost.
We are being apart with hundreds of miles between us, missing each other. But let us remember that where there is loneliness, there also is love, and where there is suffering, there also is joy. For being lonely can bring us together more closely and enable us to find ourselves as other-selves of each other, living in each other as part of the whole of us.
Through loneliness, we come to realize that we even breathe for each other, radiating love and touching what is most important in each of us. Let us believe that to live is to grow in love and to love is to grow in loneliness, for loneliness keeps open the doors to an expanding life, a greater and happier self, related to the whole of the universe.
My heavenly children of the Cosmos, enjoy the very best of your-selves, doing your very best at all times to make as beautiful sound of music as you can out of your hearts and souls, not from your instruments but through them, until you come home in a few weeks’ time.
Please keep in mind that we all are ‘cosmians’ born ‘arainbow’ of love on this planet earth as brief sojourners, enjoying the blessedness of cosmic communion with the Cosmos through our common language, that is music.
Love from Daddy
(As I wrote this letter, I wondered aloud if what I wrote rings true to myself, let alone to the children.)
[이태상 칼럼] ‘보아-라-라-라’
“지난 20년간 활동을 뒤돌아보며 새삼 ‘나 진짜 열심히 살았구나’, ‘1년도 거르지 않고 열심히 활동했구나’ 하는 생각이 들면서 감회 가 새롭더라고요.”
올해로 가수 데뷔 20주년을 맞은 ‘K팝의 원조’, ‘아시아의 별’, K팝 해외 진출 1호인 보아(34)가 8월 25일 포털사이트 네이버 의 ‘V라이브’ 생방송에서 “가수로만 스무 살이 됐다”며 “어떻게 보면 이제 막 가수로 성인이 된 것”이라고 했다는 보도다.
아, 우리 모두 이처럼 ‘사랑의 무지개 타고(Arainbow of Love )’ 이 지구별에 잠시 놀러 온 우주인 ‘코스미안(Cosmian)’ 들의 시금석, 뛰어남의 모범, 패러곤(paragon)이자 이 시대를 바라보는 새로운 관점 패러다임(paradigm)을 제시하고, 행복을 누릴 수 있는 흥(興)마당 파라다이스(paradise)를 제공하는 롤모델(role model) 아닌가.
우리 모두 각자도 이 지구별 소풍이 끝나 우주의 다른 별나라로 떠날 때 보아처럼 ‘나 진짜 잘 놀았구나’[‘열심히 살았구나’란 말을 바꿔 풀이(paraphrase)해서] 감회가 깊도록 말이어라. 공교롭다 고 할까 신기하다고 할까, 우연의 일치일지 몰라도, 코로나 팬데믹 으로 신음하고 있는 미국에 한국의 ‘흥’을 알리고 전파할 국악 그룹 온라인 공연이 열린다는 보도다.
미 최대 유대인 문화재단인 ‘스커볼 문화센터(Skirball Cultural Center)는 2020년 8월 29일 한국 국악 그룹 ‘악단광칠’을 초청해 온라인 공연(포스터)을 개최한다고 25일 LA한국문화원 이 밝혔다. 스커볼 문화센터는 하계 정기 콘서트 프로그램에 ‘악단 광칠’을 초청해 라이브 공연을 열 계획이었으나 신종 코로나 바이러스 감염증(코로나19) 사태를 고려해 온라인 행사로 전환 했다고 한다.
2015년 결성된 ‘악단광칠’은 젊은 소리꾼과 전통악기 연주자 등 9명으로 구성된 국악 그룹인데 지난 1월 뉴욕의 국제음악 축제인 ‘글로벌 페스트’에서 어깨를 들썩이게 하는 역동적인 공연을 펼쳐 뉴욕타임스(NYT)와 공영 라디오 NPR의 호평을 받았었다.
공연은 유튜브 채널 (www.yuoutube.com/user/SkirballCulturalCtr)을 통해 29일 오후 8시부터 무료로 진행된다고 한다. 스커볼센터는 이번 공연을 위해 순두부 샐러드, 배추김치, 감자볶음,대구 간장 조림, 갈비찜 등 한식을 주제로 한 만찬을 준비 중이며, 사전 에 예약한 고객들에게 유료 픽업 서비스를 제공할 예정이라고 한다.
그런가 하면 그룹 방탄소년단(BTS)이 글로벌 섬머송을 만들어 전 세계 차트에 ‘다이너마이트’를 터뜨리며 신기록 행진을 이어가고 있다는 뉴스다. 방탄소년단이 지난 21일 공식 유튜브 채널에 올린 싱글 ‘다이너마이트(Dynamite)’ 뮤직비디오는 12시간 만에 2억 뷰를 달성, 종전 2억 뷰 달성 자체 기록이었던 ‘작은 것들을 위한 시’ (11일 19시간 42분)보다 무려 1주일 이상 단축했고, 블랙 핑크 ‘How You Like That’의 7일 기록을 앞당겨 세계 신기록을 수립했다고 한다.
음악 전문 외신 NME는 “방탄소년단이 암울했던 2020년을 이겨 낼 여름 노래를 선사했다. 삶이 힘들 때 일종의 현실도피의 역할을 했던 디스크 장르의 전통을 고수하면서 디스크의 밝고 전염성 있는 사운드를 캐내서 즐거운 에너지를 사방에 전달하고 있다”고 분석했다.
2016년12월 30일 내가 만으로 80세가 되던 날 내 둘째 딸 수아(秀兒)가 이메일로 보내준 다음과 같은 글을 ‘교육’에 관심 있는 독자들과 나누고 싶어 아래와 같이 옮겨 본다.
December 30th, 2016
Dearest Dad,
I’m so glad this was published just in time for your 80th birthday!
I hope that you will enjoy reading my chapter on value… you feature quite a lot - and I’m truly grateful for everything that you are, and all the values you have taught me. You are the true reason that I am what I am today.
Huge love,
Su-a
[The following was originally published in 2016 by lulu.com. It was Su-a’s contribution to a collection of essays titled ‘Speaking of Values” compiled by Emma Fossey, Director of Reporting for Business; Neil McLennan, a speaker, author, former education manager, and Director of Leadership Program of the University of Aberdeen; and Gary Walsh, an education consultant, freelance facilitator, project manager, and researcher.]
Boundaries
Our values provide the backbone to our lives. If we didn’t have values, we couldn’t make sensible progress, or have much stability.
I think of values as a system of setting our personal boundaries: like creating our own set of principles that lets us know how far we can go and what is morally acceptable. Much of this comes from family.
I have two sisters and we are very close in age (all three of us within two years and eleven months). We emigrated from South Korea to the UK when we were all babies. My father was away from home for work between Monday and Friday, and only home for weekends.
My mother was, therefore, mostly alone with three very young children to look after, in a country that was completely foreign in terms of culture, language and pretty much everything. She had no friends or family to turn to for advice or backup. Even running out of milk was difficult. If there had only been two of us, she could have tucked one under each arm and carried us to the local shop, but because there were three of us, that was not an option. The necessity for some element of control meant that our parents were quite strict.
I vividly remember one early boundary of obedience being set. We were very excited about acquiring our first TV. It was a small square set with coat-hanger antennae sticking out of the back of it, which used to sit on top of a cardboard box. The three of us would love to lie on our stomachs as close as possible to it. This particular weekend, my Dad called us for dinner and got progressively frustrated when we ignored him completely. By the third time of asking, he threatened us, “If you don’t join us for dinner now, I am throwing the TV out!” We still didn’t move, and true to his word, the TV was duly thrown out! We never replaced the TV and I never had one since.
We also learned how to give and take from an early age. My mother often retells a story about a time when my sisters I were fighting over a toy. My mother said to us, “If you can’t settle this peacefully and learn to share, then none of you gets it!” This must have struck a chord with me because I immediately responded by saying, “It’s fine. Song-a (my little sister) can have it. I will have it afterward.” Early lessons in the benefit of sharing.
I remember these moments as experiences that taught us a kind of obedience, but we also learned that once the goal-posts were set by our parents, they wouldn’t move. I feel that without a clear sense of boundaries being set for young people, life can get very confusing. I suppose that these boundaries help us to create our values and this starts from a really early stage.
While it is true that there are many more grey areas of “good and bad” for adults, when you are a child it’s a bit more black and white. I feel that it is important and helpful for children to have clarity about what is acceptable and what is not; a clear sense of definition that can be source of guidance. I feel lucky that I grew up with a fairly clear sense of boundaries, instilled by my parents.
Instinct, independence, passion
I am not a very good forward planner. I’ve never made New Year’s resolutions. I make a lot of decisions based on how it feels at that particular moment, as the future is unknowable. If I need to make a choice, often it isn’t so much about good or bad but more about how each decision will feel afterward and whether it’s “safe to be bold.” My decisions and values are very instinctive; some of them might be based on feelings of fear or danger, but I can rationalize them in the moment due to feeling pretty grounded in myself. I am often motivated by desire to make a group of people happy and I tend to think of this bigger picture.
As a teenager, I was very much aware of rules. I understood the need to have them in place but felt that I could break them if I did so responsibly and for the right reasons. Some of this desire for independence and freedom comes from my time at Chetham’s Music School, a specialist music boarding school right in Manchester’s city center. My sisters and I all studied there.
At “Chet’s” I made my own rules. I didn’t break the school rules to be naughty or anti-establishment. I just wanted to feel autonomous and free. Sometimes, for instance, when living in a boarding house was too much for me, I would borrow camping equipment from the school and go off on my own. I would take the train and stay overnight in the countryside, in Places like Edale in the Peak District, for example. Of course, it was totally ridiculous, but I didn’t feel like I was doing anything very “bad.” I just wanted some freedom and to do something on my own. I also knew that I’d never get permission to do such things but that they were good for my soul. I still have that need for freedom today.
I was initially given a violin to play because my older sister was playing one, but to be honest, I hated it. I couldn’t hold the weight of it, it hurt my arms and it was an utterly horrid sound and experience! However, after a couple of weeks, I heard a piece on the radio (it was “The Swan”) played on the cello. and immediately, I said I wanted to play that.
Luckily, the brother of our violin teacher, Derek Williams, was an amateur cellist, Viv Williams, and he agreed to teach me. The only cello available to me was borrowed from a school, and I could only use it on a Saturday morning when Derek ran a string group. I would scrape away there, then be whisked out for twenty minutes to have individual time with Viv. I was much smaller than average for an seven-year-old and the cello was a particularly huge instrument for me, but I instantly fell in love with it.
I wasn’t allowed to take it home during term time, but I remember the first time I was allowed to take it home for a week’s school holiday…it was epic! The first day, I played away at this huge cello for six hours, refusing to come to the table even for dinner because I was seven-year-old in love. Luckily my dad didn’t throw this object out!
I’ve come to the conclusion that if you love doing some-thing, you will do it without effort. I have had the question about “talent” put to me many times. Is somebody born talented or does it develop? I believe that anybody can learn to play an instrument. I really do. I don’t think that people are necessarily born with a talent to play a particular instrument. For me, it comes down to whether you love it enough to be patient with it. I think you can learn most things, such as hearing music effectively, if you really want to. To have a sense of fine-tuning, you need to have the desire, stamina, and patience to do it.
I remember struggling to play things in tune, trying to find whole and half tone intervals and then discovering the myriad possibilities even within the half tone. It really was a training of the ear, not just of the fingers. I am still thinking about this now, especially with the different tuning of ethnic cultures around the world.
Taking an interest to the “nth” degree only happens if you are passionate about and love what you are doing. There has to be some kind of emotional connection to ensure that you keep going. If I didn’t completely love it, I am sure I would have given up out of sheer frustration, Some people might be able to persevere because of a desire to make a “success” of it, but it’s different for me.
I sometimes feel that the education system, particularly the way we train musicians, encourages people more towards notions of success and perfection, and I don’t necessarily believe in that. I can identify with musicians who tell stories about being “sick with fear.”
My sister, for instance, had a panic attack, hyperventilated and dropped her bow in her final recital at Oxford University. She immediately developed a small and contained area of vitiligo on that bowing arm which she still has to this day. We all have the propensity to feel that fear, but I think it is the role of the education system to prevent that from happening, to boost self-confidence and to foster a continued love of what you are doing.
The only time I remember questioning my future in music was when I was sixteen and faced with the decision of planning what to do after school. To be honest, all I wanted to do was play the cello but at that stage, I began to wonder, “What if I can’t do this? What if I chopped my finger off or had an accident that prevented me from doing it?”
The only other thing that I was passionate about at that time was cooking. During school holiday, I would cook and experiment every day with vegetarian food for my whole (non-vegetarian) family. While I would have always wanted music to play a part in my life, I thought for a while about becoming a chef. I dreamed about opening a vegetarian café in Paris that offered live chamber music, as Paris in the ‘80s was fairly barren for vegetarians.
I still love cooking but I think that I would have found it very stressful because of the need to “perform,” and I didn’t necessarily want to cook every meal for every day of my life at a consistently high level under pressure.
The same stress is also relevant for musicians, but being part of an orchestra has the advantage of being very much a collective performance and there is a lot of energy from your colleagues to maintain that consistency and drive.
Friendship, community spirit, connecting with people and the next generation
Unlike some of my colleagues who have said that they were ostracized through learning music as a child. I never found this to be the case. There may be reasons for this: first, I was playing to around Grade 6 standard after a year so had I progressed quite quickly (as had my violin-playing sisters); second, my family emigrated to Hawaii within a few months of my playing because of my father’s job situation; and third, our teachers, Derek and Viv, had an uncle who taught history at Chet’s, which is how we became aware of the school’s existence. Viv’s wife Frankie, who is a force of nature, persuaded my parents to bring us back to England after six months to audition for Chet’s. Frankie accompanied us to Manchester, my sisters and I making a secret pact if one of us didn’t get in then none of us would go. But we all got places, and Frankie secured full scholarships for us all through the Leverhulme Trust.
So, I think that thanks to a combination of traveling, fairly fast progress on the cello, and very shortly afterward going to a specialist music boarding school where all my friends were musicians, I didn’t have time to feel ostracized.
Because I lived in a small community from a young age-I had just turned nine when I went to Chet’s-I think I have a strong sense of what feels good and bad for me as well as for those around me. At school, we had to deal with many social behaviors: some good, some bad. The good side was nurturing, fun, creative, and supportive. The bad side was frightening and I witnessed bullying, fighting, and personality clashes. As a result, throughout my life, I always want every situation to be good one for everybody involved. If you are not happy as a group of performers, you are not going to play your best. You can‘t play together if you are not literally and metaphorically on the same page.
This can be difficult to manage sometimes, particularly in small chamber groups where the relationships are particularly intense. Because of the nature of what we do, our radars are overly active and alert, and therefore very likely to overact! In an orchestra, everybody knows each other intimately; you can often predict how people are going to respond and must be prepared for them to be irrational!
Musicians would not be in the business if we didn’t have an audience, and music wouldn’t have a future if we didn’t engage with the next generation. These are huge motivators. I grew up in the youth orchestra system, which is such a great experience. Joining a youth orchestra is like having a whole new world open up and discovering a new way of engaging with people. This engagement gives us so much new material for our developmental progress.
As well as being completely terrifying for all sorts of reasons, it is so much fun. I remember going to see my older sister, Hae-a, playing in our county youth orchestra for the first time. I worried my parents because I had gone backstage with Frankie during the interval and hadn’t reappeared for the second half. Imagine their astonishment when they noticed on stage, at the back of the cello section, a tiny pair of dangling legs that could only have been mine. I had wanted to join in the fun. That was my first experience of playing in the youth orchestra. I then progress through the Bedfordshire County Youth Orchestra as well as the National Children’s Orchestra.
I started coaching youth orchestra myself when I was nineteen. Since then, they have been a constant thread throughout my career, being involved as I have been in youth orchestras all over the UK.
While I was studying at the Julliard School in New York, I was involved in coaching the Iceland Youth Orchestra. We got together three times a year, for a fortnight course each time, for a period of three years. We took on some hefty programs as there was lot of time for thorough sectional coaching, and although they might start barely being able to play the notes, by the end they sounded like a professional orchestra. There was no time pressure, and we got the chance to really bond. Aged nineteen myself, I wasn’t that much older than most of them so that probably helped.
For most young people taking part, it is their first real experience of “community spirit.” I remember how that felt for me when I started. The skills you build in a youth orchestra, having to be aware of the people around you and appreciating the fact that it’s not all about your own part, are valuable social skills for life.
As a coach, for instance, I will often give practical advice to young people on how to be a good desk partner ㅡ helping each other to write notes on the music, how to turn pages while performing, organizing the height of the music stand, giving each other enough space and so on. There are so many ways to help each other.
Having gone through the youth orchestra system myself, it is such a privilege to support the next generation to do the same. When I am coaching, I want the process to be fun but disciplined. I can be quite strict, but only in a musical way and it is always fun. That is the balance I strive to achieve as a coach.
This attitude also affects the work I do in my job in the orchestra. On the concert platform we have moved away from wearing formal concert dress such as tails, but I think we could go much further. Connecting the audience is incredibly important, and I feel there is so much that we can do and that I can learn from my experiences with young people to help achieve that.
This connection is sometimes as simple as chatting to people after a concert or just showing an interest. I am a “people person” in many ways. People are my religion, so to speak, in that they are what I believe in. I am intrigued to find out why people have come to a particular event or what their experience with music has been. Audience members will often come to me after a performance to share how much they enjoyed the event or how it made them feel. Some even tell me that they come just to see what color my hair is! So I feel that, on whatever level, there is a genuine personal connection with audience.
I know that it makes a difference in people’s lives. Once an elderly gentleman in Aberdeen came to me after a Subscriber’s Concert, which is a special chamber concert that we invite regular subscribers to, free, as a loyalty bonus. He had attended the concert and was quite emotional. He gave me a gift of a necklace that had belonged to his wife, who had always come particularly to see me play. She had sadly passed away. This is connection on a very deep level and I was overwhelmed by the beauty and bravery of the gesture.
These personal connections make the whole experience richer because you know that people are enjoying it and feel connected to it. In the moment of performance, I am focused on the musicㅡbut it certainly makes a difference to have that level of feedback and connection with people around you.
During the past twenty years, alongside my life as an orchestral cellist, I have been incredibly lucky also to have an alternative musical outlet for connecting with audiences and artists from across the musical divides. This is through our band Mr. McFall’s Chamber, of which I am a founding member. It started in 1996 as a renegade splinter group from SCO (The Scottish Chamber Orchestra), presenting classical music to the midnight, underground nightclub scene. Our mission was to experiment, collaborate and break down barriers.
In terms of broadening horizons, building bridges with other art disciplines, creating new worlds and exploring other cultures, this band has meant a huge amount to me. We took some of the first steps towards bringing together folk, jazz, world musicians, as well as dancers, poets, and visual artists. It has allowed freedom of expression and the possibility to grow as an artist and a human being, and I believe we have slowly brought about a big change in the musical landscape of Scotland.
Conclusion
It has been illuminating for me to write this chapter because it has clarified many previously unexplored thoughts about how we shape our individual value systems. It is very clear to me that this process starts when we are extremely young and builds continuously on the ever-growing accumulation of experiences, like choosing which building blocks to use and deciding what shape of construction you want to build. Education and structure, as opposed to training and strictness, are absolutely paramount in this.
I feel very lucky having such inspirational parents, but not everyone is so fortunate. This is where I think the roles of education and its aficionados are so important. The school arena is where all children can experience community outside of the family and all the extremes of human nature that this presents. Of course, this is not limited to just school institution but extends to other educational or cultural communities. Experiencing these extremes in a safe environment is the best way to discover personal boundaries in a productive way.
Educational communities are also the best nurturing ground for sparking passions. Young children are naturally inquisitive because everything is new to them. It is vital that their developing passions are encouraged and that every child is made to feel confident and independent. This self-confidence and self-determination will give them the bravery to achieve whatever they wish to pour their hearts into.
I would like to conclude with an amusing anecdote. It is from my very first time coaching the Iceland Youth Orchestra and illustrates how travel, music, creativity, and fun all contribute to what can happen when you connect with people.
I arrived in Iceland on Boxing Day at the crack of dawn (although that’s a misnomer since, at that time of year, the sun never rises in Iceland! (Boxing Day is a holiday celebrated the day after Christmas Day, thus being the second day of Christmastide. It originated in the United Kingdom and is celebrated in a number of countries that previously formed part of the British Empire – Wikipedia)
I was being hosted by a family of five, whose eighteen-year-old daughter was playing violin in the youth orchestra. There were also a twelve-year-old daughter and a five-year-old-son.
Having apologized for getting them out of bed so early on Boxing Day, I tried to explain to the mother that I was a vegetarian and therefore didn’t eat meat or fish. I hastened to add that I didn’t want to inconvenience them by expecting them to cook expensive vegetables, so I said I would just eat what they ate but that because it was not my normal fare, I hoped for their understanding. The mother, with a wicked glint in her eye, took this as the go-ahead to try to tempt me with all their Icelandic specialties, such as raw, rotten shark (which is buried underground as part of the preparation process), seared sheep’s head with eyes and tongue gouged out, blood pudding and puffin! I was most definitely not compliant!
When it became clear that on New Year’s Day they would prepare me a “special meal,” I was dreading it. When the time came, I was almost trembling, seeing their palpable excitement. They dimmed the lights and wheeled in the meal on a trolley. It had one of these huge silver butler cloches on it. They asked me, as their guest of honor, to present it. After a long, deep breath I whipped off the cloche and then screamed my (own) head off! What I had revealed staring up at me, was the head of their twelve-year-old daughter on the platter, surrounded by vegetables!
After my initial terror, I found it monstrously funny. They enjoyed telling me how they had even cut a hole in their sideboard to perform this wicked practical joke. I am still in touch with the family and I see them regularly even today.
Music knows no boundaries; it simply brings people together.
Editor’s Note:
Korean born cellist Su-a Lee is one of the highlights of the Scottish music scene. Feted wherever she goes, she stands out for her versatility, popularity, and appetite for musical adventure. Born in Seoul, Su-a trained at Chetham’s School of Music, completing her studies at the Juilliard School in New York. On graduating with her degree, she moved to Scotland to join the Scottish Chamber Orchestra, where she remains as Assistant Principal Cello.
While she is deeply rooted in her Scottish home, Su-a and her cello have appeared all over the world, from South America to Artic Circle. As well as performing in the world’s major concert halls, you are just as likely to find them in such unorthodox and interesting location such as Japanese temples, circus tents, and waterfalls.
Although Su-a spends most of her time playing classical music, she is very much in demand across a wide musical spectrum, working in all art forms. She has played for theatre, dance and film projects, and performs and records regularly with Scotland’s jazz and folk stars. Over the summer 2015, she spent six months studying and collaborating with musicians from across the globe, incorporating genres of folk, classical, Arabic, Celtic, Swedish and Eastern traditions. Her non-classical work has included recording on her Musical Saw for Eric Clapton and performing at Celtic Connections with Jack Bruce of Cream and the folk band Lau, to improvisatory work with Belgian theatre group Reckless Sleepers and a tour of India with the Sarod maestro, Amjad Ali Khan.
Su-a is also a founder member of the innovative music ensemble, Mr. McFall’s Chamber. Beginning in 1996 playing avant-garde string quartet music in late-night club venues, the group has just celebrated its 20th anniversary season and has grown to encompass an eclectic range of different traditions.
With a special passion for working with young musicians, Su-a regularly participates in SCO Connects education and community work, and recently toured a very successful series of performances for babies with Reeling and Writhing Theatre. She is Patron-in-Chief of the Perth Youth Orchestra, a regular coach for the National Youth Orchestra and Cambridge County Youth Orchestra. She is an Associate Member of the Martyn Bennett Trust and a Trustee for Board of Soundhouse Trust.
우리 모든 코스미안은 우주의 활과 화살이리 May We All Cosmians Be Cosmic Bows and Arrows.
[이태상]
서울대학교 졸업
코리아타임즈 기자
합동통신사 해외부 기자
미국출판사 Prentice-Hall 한국/영국 대표
오랫동안 철학에 몰두하면서
신인류 ‘코스미안’사상 창시
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